Why are we such a violent culture? Lately I’ve been complaining about so many violent Facebook groups and pages starting. There are actual groups that support the beating of women and other heinous acts. They’re called “satire” by those who create them, “violent misogyny” by those of us with brains. I’ve had loads of relatives and friends join a recent group called, “Why test on animals when there are sex offenders in prison?” (I never get why sex offenders are hated more than murderers; to me both crimes are heinous and offensive.) Everywhere I look, I’m seeing so much hatred and violence.

And I’m not exempt from it, either. I just got off the phone with my sister after a brief but very heartfelt tirade against Fox News. When people ask what I’d do if someone hurt my daughter, I immediately respond, “Kill him.” (Notice my assumption that the person will be a man.) Even when joking, I’ve said things like, “How about I gouge your eyes out with a spoon?” I’ve drawn some pretty dark, sometimes violent, art as well, usually in the form of man-eating creatures and violent gods and goddesses of various religions.

Many people take it further. Some are crazy—literally, quite often—about keeping as many guns as they can for this or that conspiracy theory. Some talk about doing to murderers and rapists what they did themselves “to be fair, an eye for an eye.” Honestly, I used to think that myself before I A. evolved past age twelve and B. learned about all of the failings of our legal system, the amount of wrongful convictions every year, and the fact that man punishing man in such a manner—in fact, saying “We’ll kill you to show you that killing is wrong!”—is a pretty grotesque and fallible act.

Even looking back at my own childhood, what did I do when faced with opposition? I was in two fights in my childhood, both in defense of my younger sisters. Yes, they were being harmed; but who was I, at ages eleven and twelve, to combat harm with more harm? Why did I automatically think I needed to “beat someone up” rather than speak with them? Peer pressure, bragging rights, a misconstrued sense of justice, and the whole “eye for an eye” think were all to play, sure, but even at such a young age, why?

We need to teach the art of compromise, talking, diplomatic relations. We must teach our children to handle themselves with dignity, compassion, and sense rather than violence. It’s no wonder we produce such violent offenders, war criminals, terrorists, zealots, and nutcases when we allow our kids to fight like this—even promote it, brag about it, as many parents, particularly fathers, do—and even perpetuate it with spanking.